Live and Learn
by kyoiku kanji
Summary: Loss knows no time, past, present future- it's never a good time, but we live, we learn... we surive.   May look like a massive death fic, but trust me... it isn't what it seems  -Flashbacks -


**Author's notes:**

**I didn't intend to write a story in 'The Loser's' universe. I have too many other stories in need of being written. But this one just kind of happened. **

**If anything I blame Aislinn for egging me on. (Thank you very much by the way.)**

**Oddly enough, I hate flashbacks. I hate stories where you have to switch between the past and the present... or the dream within a dream type stories.**

**And yet... I wrote ths.**

**_Italics indicate past_**

**regular font is regular time, although the definition of regular is a bit iffy at best.**

**This story is not ment to challenge the ownership of 'The Losers' neither in comic nor movie form. No money has been made in the process of making this story, nor will any be made.**

**The story takes place either pre-movie or in the weeks following the 'incident' in Bolivia before Aisha showed up on Clay's radar.**

**Thank you. Please let me know what you think**.

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><p><em>Loss knows no time, past, present future- it's never a good time, but we live, we learn... we surive.<em>

"¡Mierda!"

"Oh Damn... Cougs... let me look at your hands." Jensen had done a good job of controlling his voice, making it sound like his injuries weren't that bad, but Carlos knew better.

He tried to pull away when Jake took one of his hands and rotated it so he could look at the sniper's palm.

"¡No!" he hissed but Jensen held onto it and shook his head as if to say 'don't make me put you in an arm lock.'

Cougar scowled but finally relaxed enough to let Jensen inspect the burns.

Jensen's look of triumph wavered when he saw the wounds, and realized that this was not the first time Carlos Alvarez had been burned.

"It will be all right," Cougar said when Jensen found himself at a loss of what to say.

"Like hell, Cougs we need to get you to a hospital."

He knew Jensen was right, he knew second and third burns were serious, he knew the threat of infection was all too real, but he couldn't bare being separated from his team. Not again, not when they needed him, not after what happened the last time.

"After we find the others."

"Cougs, you have serious burns..." Jensen stopped in mid sentence when he saw the expression on his friend's face. He closed his eyes and shook his head, but when he opened them, Cougar could see the surrender in his eyes.

"Tell me what to do."

He would have smiled if his hands didn't hurt so damn much.

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_His hands hurt like hell, which meant it was bad, but they still hurt, which meant it wasn't too bad._

_He tried to move and found himself restrained by a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Do not move... they are looking you."_

_The voice held the hint of a British Accent, and the formality told him it was not the speaker's native tongue. _

_They seemed to sit in the darkness for hours before his guardian removed his hand from Cougar's shoulder. _

_"My team?" he asked softly._

_"I am sorry. We found only you."_

_Cougar tried to remember what had happened but all he could remember was being in the chopper. Joker and Fool had been carrying on and Captain America had resorted to threatening to put them on report if they didn't settle down, then... a ball of fire._

_"Come , we must go..."_

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

"Come on Cougar," Jensen's voice seemed to impose itself over the British accent. "You need to drink... you're getting dehydrated."

Cougar looked at him, then looked around as if trying to place where they were.

"What?" he asked groggily.

Jensen pointed to his netbook. "Those weren't just second degree burns Cougs, and you knew it. Third degree... You need a doctor."

"Not until we find the others," Cougar stated in a quiet even tone. He couldn't lose another team.

"Cougs... it says here that there will be serious scaring... infection... and dehydration... "

"So?"

"Dammit Cougs it's like... a hundred degrees here and you aren't sweating... now drink."

He allowed Jensen to help him to a seated position. It barely registered that the younger man had positioned himself behind him using his own body to hold the sniper upright.

He felt a canteen pressed to his lips and tried to reach for it, but his hands seemed to have other ideas. He resigned himself to allowing Jensen to tilt the canteen so he could drink.

"What happened?"

Jensen sighed. "You pulled me out of the building... I was hoping you could tell me."

Cougar thought back and all he could remember was the flash of phosphor and the explosion.

"Not sure how I got down so fast... I entered through the rear... where you were. but... everything was burning... you were pinned down. "

He shook his head. It was not something he wanted to remember. Jensen was pinned, fire all around them. Adrenalin took over and he lifted the metal desk enough so Jensen could work his way free... then the pain.

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_They made their way slowly through the rocky terrain. Cougar knew he was slowing them down but he couldn't use his hands to steady himself. _

_The few times he had it had been all he could do to keep from screaming. He prayed to god the others were all right, but he was out of the game. Who ever heard of a sniper who couldn't use his hands?_

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_Days turned into months as he was forced into a kindly imprisonment. A cousin was a doctor at the local clinic and he and his wife's sister, if Cougar understood correctly, would come to visit once a week. Taking care of the injured, including him. His hands were looking better, the best part, and the worst part of the visit came when Delaram would treat his hands. _

_She would work his hands, first scrubbing off the dead skin, then working to keep the new skin flexible and pliable. The pain was excruciating but each time she finished, he could feel the difference. Her touch was gentle yet firm, and each time she apologized for what she was about to do._

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

"Cougs? Stay with me now," Jensen called worriedly. "Carlos?"

Cougar turned, lost in thought for a moment before he focused on his friend.

"Where were you man?"

"Lost," he answered softly as he once again surveyed the area. "How long has it been?"

"Since the explosion?

"Sí"

"Eighteen hours."

Cougar shook his head, trying to clear it.

"The warehouse?"

"Fire department cleared the scene ten hours ago... Cougs... there were three body bags."

"¡Mierda!"

"Trying to tap into the morgue now... might not have been them."

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_It was them. There was no mistaking them, their remains had been dragged out of the wrecked chopper and simply left there: a warning to any who would come to the aid of an American._

_He recognized Joker by the boonie he always wore. The captain was easy... he knew of no one else who could have spent weeks out in the open as they had and still manage to have his uniform somehow looking fresh pressed and Fool's gold tooth gleemed in the mid day sun._

_He wanted to be sick, but he understood why they had to leave them as they were. Any attempt to give them proper burial would have resulted in an attack on the family. He couldn't endanger them like that._

_He did his best to make his peace and followed the eldest son back to their home._

_Instead of the cook fires and the smell of fresh baked bread there was nothing but ash and death. The main home had been burned, but he could still make out the bullet holes in the wall where the others had been executed._

_He had brought them ruin anyway... and now he wanted payback._

_"You must go," Yoseph urged him. "They know you are still alive..."_

_Cougar could see the pain in the younger man's expression and he knew he could never undo what had been done._

_"Go, it is not safe for you here."_

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

'Cou-gar... we need to go..." Jensen's voice seemed to stretch around him as everything snapped into focus.

He should his head.

"What?"

"Motion sensors picked up activity... they're looking for us... we aren't safe here anymore."

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_They were searching for him. Yoseph had left him knowing that apart they had a better chance of surviving. He hoped the younger man was all right, but even as he looked for cover he couldn't help but think of those lost._

_The children with their sticky fingers after their mother had given them some sort of honeyed treats, the grandmothers who watched the younger children while the women cooked and cleaned. The brothers and their wives... the children... even Delaram, the gentle healer who apologized for hurting him, even when they both knew it was for his own good... None had been spared._

_He bent his head as the weight of it all settled on him. He wanted to weep, to raise his face skyward and scream, but it would do no good. It wouldn't bring them back._

_"Forgive me," he said as he headed towards the network of caves Yoseph had told him about._

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

"Cougar!"

Jensen's voice was tense, almost angry. "I need you to stay with me here."

Cougar looked around and shook his head as he tried to get oriented. Jensen stood next to him carrying bother their gear.

"Where?" he asked wearily.

"To the rally point. Pooch had a van there waiting for us..."

He nodded and headed in the direction indicated.

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_He had been walking for days, exploring... learning the land until he could find his way along blind folded. Only then did he return to the crash site. _

_This time it was different. He moved with quiet determination, it was time to bury the dead and to repay those who had left them to rot._

_He knew it was dangerous, he knew he was throwing down the gauntlet, but he didn't care. They had declared this war, made it personal- now he would repay them in kind._

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_Faces of those gone flashed before his eyes as he tried to keep up moving. Joker: Fool, even freakin' Captain America: his team, his friends...well... at least Joker and Fool, FCA was a member of his team they were gone._

_He closed his eyes but the images still haunted him. The nameless men women and children who had been executed for caring for him._

_He was getting careless. They'd almost gotten him this time, worse he'd lost the stash of weapons he'd collected on this last outing. He winced slightly as he flopped to the ground inside the cave that served as his base of operations. _

_They'd grazed him. He knew he'd have to treat it. The last thing he wanted was an infection. _

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

Clay. Pooch. Roque. Their images were reflected in Jake's glasses as he downloaded the images from the coroner's office and he knew his team... his friends... were gone. He let his breath out slowly as he saw the expression on Jake's face fall.

The corporal kept flipping through the images as if it could change things.

He swallowed hard, knowing if he didn't do something, say... something he was going to lose Jensen as well. He'd still be alive, but he wouldn't be... Jensen.

He couldn't lose another friend.

"Talk to me Jensen," he said, but Jensen simply kept going through the images. He was losing it.

"¡Diga me!"

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_"Someone answer me dammit!"_

_He woke with a start. It was the first time he'd heard English in almost a month._

_"I repeat this is Whiskey Seven, we've found the chopper, what's left of it."_

_He stared at the radio in disbelief. After all this time- a rescue team. _

_He realized the sand storms must have cleared enough of it that recon must have picked it up. He could go home... if they survived, but they wouldn't if they remained on the air._

_"We need extraction... I repeat, we need extraction. Co-ordinates to follow..."_

_'No!' he thought. Giving their location now would spell certain death._

_"Silencio," he called into the radio, his voice hoarse from disused. "They have your air..."_

_"This is Whisky-Seven," the voice replied tersely. "Identify yourself."_

_He closed his eyes for a moment before pulling out his dog tags and reading his serial number. _

_There was a pause before the voice came back over the line. "We're here to bring you home Sgt."_

_He smiled briefly. They knew who he was, but anything he said would be understood by anyone listening to the radio._

_"¿Habla español?"_

_There was a slight hesitation as another voice took over. "Un poquito. ¿Porque?"_

_Cougar proceeded to tell them exactly why, only to be told to slow down, and repeat sections until he was hoarse...er._

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

"¡Diga me!"

The expression on Jensen's face broke his heart.

"They burned to death. They were trapped. While you were rescuing me... they were dying... "

There was no accusation in his voice, just the cold knowledge that his life, his rescue had been purchased at the cost of three friend's lives.

"Lo siento," Cougar said softly. It was a harsh reality he couldn't protect the younger man from. People die, and sometimes they die because of others' choices. Dying was easy... surviving was hard.

It was a lesson he wished he could spare the younger man.

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_It had taken almost an hour for him to reach the rendezvous point, but from the sound of things he was probably ten minutes too late. _

_He began running, heading for the ridgeline without thinking. It would leave him exposed, but it would give him the angle he needed to ascertain the situation. By the time he'd gotten into position the shooting had stopped._

_'Hold on...' he thought as he dropped prone and surveyed the area. It didn't look good. _

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

"Cougs? Cougar?... Carlos!

Cougar shook his head as he focused on the blonde man. It was the second time Jensen had called him by name in less than a day.

It was the second time he'd needed to.

He felt something cool press against his forehead. "We... have... to ... get... you..."

The words were lost in a roll of thunder and the sudden spray of rain.

It took him a moment to realize it wasn't rain that fell on him as Jensen crumpled on top of him blood spraying from his ruined chest

Cougar screamed...

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_Eight men, two vehicles surrounding four men in desert camo, one of them injured. _

_He scanned the area through his scope. There was no way he could take out all eight before they killed the four standing in front of them, hands on their heads. He began trying to work it out when he caught a glint of something on the ridge to his left. _

_He quickly focused on the source, knowing if he'd seen them, they might have seen him. He was ready to fire when he realized he'd found his opposite number in the team he was trying to help. He held up his hand._

_To his relief, the man did the same. _

_Through hand signals they worked out what they would do._

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

_The two snipers made quick work of the men in the canyon below. As he was about to stand Cougar heard movement behind him. He heard the crack of thunder... felt the spray of blood as the team's sniper took out the man who'd snuck up on him as he'd worked._

_But the shot had come too late, he'd been hit..._

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

Joker; Fool; the Captain; Choirboy, the sniper who'd saved him; Preacher, the Loser com man; Clay who he'd rescued, and who had rescued him that day in Afghanistan; Roque who'd carried him back to chopper; Pooch who'd driven him... and now Jensen all gone.

The man who had been Carlos Alvarez raised his head skyward and cried out, giving voice to his grief and loss.

It was Afghanistan all over again- only this time there was no coming back...

He felt as if his world were tearing apart- as if he'd bungee jumped into the abyss only to be snapped back at the last minute.

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

He lay, unaware of anything but the building in front of him, and the three men entering from the rear. Jensen was already inside, hopefully gathering the intel they needed.

He felt his heart stop as the night sky was lit up by an explosion and the warehouse was engulfed in flames.

He wasn't sure how he'd gotten down but somehow he did. He hoped Jake would forgive him, but he had to get the others out first. The fire was bad on his half of the building but somehow he knew it was worse where the others were. He had to get them out, and they in turn would help him get Jensen.

"Hold on Jensen... we'll get you out- as soon as I get them out."

TLTLTLTLTL-LTLTLTLTLTLT

"¡Mierda!"

"Oh Damn... Cougs... let me look at your hands." Jensen had done a good job of controlling his voice, making it sound like his injuries weren't that bad, but Carlos knew better.

He tried to pull away when Jake took one of his hands and rotated it so he could look at the sniper's palm.

"¡No!" he hissed but Jensen held onto it and shook his head as if to say 'don't make me put you in an arm lock.'

Cougar scowled but finally relaxed enough to let Jensen inspect the burns.

As he did Clay put in a call for an ambulance.

All things considered, they'd gotten off lucky.

Despite his pain, Cougar smiled. They'd managed to survive more or less intact. And that was worth celebrating.

The end.

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><p><strong>Final note: If you liked this story, or hated it, please let me know. It's the only way I'll get better (andor write more).**


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